Life Update

Hello, everyone. Long time, no see. No, this isn’t an April Fool’s joke, I’m actually here, and this post is 100% legit. I’ve sat at my laptop countless times trying to figure out how to type this up, and I keep coming up short. I’ve never really encountered anything like what I’ve experienced these last couple of months, so it has been difficult trying to find a way to talk about it. But that’s what I really needed to do – talk about it. Strap in, folks, it’s about to be story time. For the people who would rather not listen to me blab on for a bit, feel free to pass over this post. I won’t take any offense. And if you choose to read on, thank you for listening.

long-page-break

For those of you who don’t really know me that well, I’ve always been a very reserved person. Even as a young one, I held back emotionally. I’ve never been one to really share my feelings very easily, and for that, I’ve always come across as one of two people: someone who had their shit together or an emotional prude. Let me tell you right now: I’m neither of those people. I’ve never had my shit together, but I’m insanely good at pretending like I do. I may come across as cold or callous, but that’s because that was less frightening to me than being seen as vulnerable.

I bring this all up to try and explain the way I’ve been feeling lately, to try and justify my absence in a way. I think I’ve always experienced depression, but I never knew that’s what it actually was. Even in high school, I’d have days filled with a strange “emptiness” that I just brushed off as adolescence. Every teenager is moody, right? The more that I pay attention to it, the more I’m understanding what’s actually going on in my brain. A part of me is terrified to bring this to light, but a part of me thinks that talking about it will help. Time will tell. My personal life hasn’t been great lately, mostly relationships and friendships have taken an emotional toll. Life has become a distraction in a way it never has before.

These last few months – basically right before Thanksgiving – I felt a slump coming. Now, I’ve dealt with slumps and ruts before, and they’ve never lasted long. I thought, “Ah, another rut. It’ll be gone in a week, tops.” Well, one week became two, and two weeks became a month. And now here we are. Four solid months in, and the Great Slump™ has yet to leave. It’s grasping me tighter than the old shirts I have from high school that I hope one day I’ll fit into again. I’m currently sitting at eighteen books behind schedule for my Goodreads goal, and I haven’t really posted anything here on the blog in about two months. You want to know the last time I finished a book? The middle of November. I fully blame my brain. Those random bouts of “emptiness” keep coming and going, and they’re the reason I haven’t been able to enjoy the things that once brought me happiness.

I’ve done everything I can possibly think of to get back into the swing of things. I’ve bought books I was excited for. I’ve tried rereading an old favorite. I’ve purged my shelves in hopes that I’ll get inspired to read what I’ve had for ages. I’ve gone to numerous signings and listened to authors talk excitedly about their work. NOTHING helps. Hence, this post. Having a discussion, getting advice, and shining a spotlight on this bastard of a slump are my ways of getting over it. Or so I’m hoping. What are your thoughts?

I’ll catch you guys next time – which will hopefully be way sooner.

katie-2


5 thoughts on “Life Update

  1. I’ve been there, and those ruts or slumps or low periods, whatever you want to call them, they are hard. Four months is a long time… But maybe you just need to do something else, completely unrelated, to break out of it. I read “Big Magic” recently, and while it’s about creativity, I think it could apply. The author talks about when you’re in a creative rut, if you’re a visual artist, try writing, if you’re a writer, try playing an instrument, etc. Exploring something entirely different might remind you why you love reading.

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  2. Don’t push yourself or feel guilty about it because that will only make it worse. You can reset your goodreads goal so that isn’t something to worry about. I understand where you are coming from it’s like a rabbit hole you can just keep faking further down. If you want to talk feel free to reach out.

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  3. End of 2017 I fell into a huge rut, I tried to read, tried to blog and it just wasn’t happening so I stepped away… I stopped thinking about it completely, hoping that horrid feeling would disappear. I read 1 book in the space of just under a year. I did horribly on keeping up with everything bookish related. And to be honest… I just let it happen, I found my other hobbies (gaming etc) kept me going. In the latter half of last year the desire came back, I was itching to read and write and I just jumped straight back into it…

    Forcing yourself or feeling guilty will just make the feelings worse… sometimes you just need to let it happen… if you’ve got other hobbies then see if you want to do them. Or maybe your mind just wants a break from everything… I went through that right in the middle of my slump where I literally just went through the motions for like… 2/3 months. Work, eat, sleep… but I think it’s what my body needed… I needed to hit a low for me to start seeing the highs again.

    If you do wanna talk, here or in private, about anything (and as someone who suffers from depression that includes that too!) then feel free message me, I’m always around! ❤

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  4. I’m sorry I can’t offer any words of wisdom, but I am here to offer my support. For me, sometimes it’s a good thing to do things you want to do, even if it’s not what you’re supposed to be doing. Even if it’s just watching Youtube or something like that!

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  5. Ugh, I know how this goes, too. Yes, you keep soldiering on, but keep your eyes up. Take in the skies, the grass, the returning spring. Take a good long moment to breathe. It’s amazing how nature can bring some inner peace to us when we let it. x

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